Sam coined the phrase “Bolivian Party Trick” our first day here, at the annual festival in Carmen Pampa. It basically means something that is very commonplace here in Bolivia but seems crazy or unexpected or even unbelievable to an outsider. I’m going to talk about three today, this is not an exhaustive list, just the first three I came up with.

This first one is where the name came from.

They love their parties here, I’ve said that. I love their parties too. They are so different from how we do things in back in the US. Many of the differences are really just twists on customs I’m familiar with from home. They still dance - just in long awkward lines, they still talk to each other in really friendly ways - but by about 10 pm even the old people are a little more “handsy” than I’m used to, and they still bring drinks for everyone to share. But whether it’s a liter bottle of beer or a warm milky alcoholic mix served from a gas can it comes with the same plastic cup as it is passed/carried around. The thing about it is it’s just one cup per beverage, not per person. The ratio is probably around 10 to 1, ten people for every one cup. Don’t worry it’s still hygienic. After you slam a cup (you have to hurry others are waiting) you vigorously flick whatever is leftover on to the ground – that should take care of the bacteria right?

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You know how when you buy mayo in the states it comes with this little warning on it that says "refrigerate after opening." And you know how when you don’t refrigerate it and like leave it in a warm place for a while it goes bad really fast. And how if you ate if when it was bad it would sort of make you sick. Yeah, well not surprisingly all that is true in Bolivia too. Mayo goes bad fast, can make you sick, and really should be kept in the fridge instead of the sun. One of the first weeks I was here I got burned by the most dangerous of all party tricks. I was sitting down to one of my first plates of street vender fried chicken. I had a sheltered, weak stomach and I was trying to stay on guard. I asked for it with no condiments, because I didn’t trust them. Anyway, it was dry and too salty, the fries were soggy and I lost resolve fast.

Before I know it I was reaching for the most harmless thing on the table, the mustard. It was warm to the touch, and sticky on the outside. Who cares I thought, it’s mustard, no one gets sick from mustard. I tipped it upside down and a runny stream of 85 degree, weeks old, yellow and white, bacteria heaven bathed my chicken - like a protester on the wrong end of a fire hose. It took me a few seconds to realize that this wasn’t just some weird Bolivian mustard I would have to get used to but learn to love like hotdogs or low fat ice cream. That this was MAYONASE improperly cared for and thoughtlessly disguised as a much more benign condiment. A veritable Trojan Horse of e-coli, selmenella, or whatever deadly bacteria would thrive there . But what could I do? There I was 22 years old, a little scared, really confused, and so concerned about not offending cultural norms that I ate it and even called it RICO twice.

P.S. I didn’t really get any sicker from that than I was in general for the first three months.

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So I have this hotel I always stay at in La Paz, the Angelo Colonial. It’s alright. Pretty cheap, with friendly staff that stays up all night watching dubbed Simpsons episodes in case someone comes home late and needs to get in. They still manage to afford extras like a guest kitchen and hot water. They cut some corners of course, like clean sheets and toilet paper, but life is about compromise. Anyway one of the best things about this place is the liquid soap they give you when you check in. It comes in this clear heavy duty plastic pillow shaped bag. It’s really heavy duty, any reasonable amount of tugging or tearing doesn’t even leave a scratch. It is sealed perfectly with no intentional imperfections to ease opening. The only reliable way I have found to open these things is with my teeth.

Anyway I don’t know where they are made but somewhere at a lower altitude because they come really pressurized, (stop me if you have heard this one before), but of course as you are tearing the plastic with your teeth the watery soap sprays out with considerable force, right into the back of your throat, every time.

It would be silly to expect these soaps to come with a “contents under pressure warning” in fact they come marked as “baby shampoo” with a picture of an adorable little kid on them – it’s cute but very misleading. By now this shouldn’t surprise me, this isn’t the kind of place where nothing comes with a warning.

Thanks for reading,

LOVE

andy